BET: Black Love Series

"Is this gonna be in black and white?" Nicki asked while stroking her hair and pulling both sides to the front.

"Yes." A man spoke up before adjusting the ring light that was off to the side to Nicki's left.

"I look nice for nothing." Safaree said looking down at his outfit. Nicki looked over at him and smiled.

"You look good, baby."

"You too." He said looking up at her meeting her eyes. Nicki adjusted in her stool before crossing her legs. She leaned back and rested her hands on the arms of the chair while looking ahead at everyone setting up the lighting and cameras. Safaree did the same and sat back in his chair. "Yo, I should've got a haircut." He said while looking over at Nicki as he scrunched his face up while he ran his hands over his face and chin.

"You look fine, Safaree." Nicki said as she playfully rolled her eyes. She looked over at Stephen Hill coming into view while holding a stack of papers.

"You guys ready?" Stephen asked while pointing between the both of them.

"Yeah." Safaree said while Nicki nodded in agreement. Stephen stepped back more getting completely out of frame while the last few people scrambled getting in place.

"So we're gonna kind of go in order here. Walk us through your life. The journey." he looked down at his list of questions. "First question." The director Mike said from behind the camera. "How did you two meet?"

"We were in a group." Nicki spoke up.

"Yeah. Called Hoodstars. It was a rap group. We did a little bit of reggae too."

"All the guys.. the guys were already in the group. But you know," Nicki playfully shrugged. "They wasn't popping enough so that's when I came in." Nicki said before laughing.

"You could say that. 'Cause yo.. honestly. After we put her in." Safaree shook his head. "We was booking shows crazy. I remember the first day she came to meet us and everything." He licked his lips. "She was in a mood. She was arguing with her boyfriend at the time."

"And the last thing I wanted was to be around a bunch of guys." Nicki chimed in. "But Safaree could tell something. He was the only one that gave me space. Not that they were all in my face. But I just wanted to be left alone in my little corner to write by myself."

"I remember when it was time to write. She would have on her shades. Have a blanket and put her hood on. And just go sit in the corner. Nobody could talk to her. Nothing. She didn't even want anybody near her. Like we would have to go sit on the other side of the studio." Safaree shook his head as Nicki laughed. "She still the same way too."

"What was your first impression of each other?"

"I don't remember. You know what's the first thing I remember about Safaree though? We would be in the studio late and he was always calling to check up on his mom and his sisters. I thought that was very sweet."

"Nicki was mean."

Nicki dramatically dropped her jaw and gasped. "No I wasn't!"

"Yeah. She was. I remember when I walked into the studio one time. I'm walking around, dapping everybody up, boom boom boom. I leaned into hug her and she like." He cocked his head and grabbed his neck. "Grabbed my neck and said not right now." Nicki's laugh roared out and Safaree began laughing. "It's funny now but after that I never tried to hug her again."

"Wait." Nicki said in between her laughs. "I did not grab you by your neck like that."

"Yes you did."

"No, wait. I was trying to push him back on his chest but Safaree is so freaking tall. So when he bent down.." Nicki giggled again covering her mouth quickly before placing her hands back into her lap. "My hand that was meant for his chest just happened to grab his neck."

So it wasn't love at first sight?

"Not at all."

"Like I said. She had a boyfriend at the time. They was arguing everyday so.. she wasn't really paying attention to me. But I thought she was beautiful."

"You're so sweet, baby." Nicki said looking over at him before puckering her lips and closing her eyes giving him an air kiss.

"I did. She was. She is. She was just different from any other girl I had met back in the day. She wasn't like those girls in a relationship who act clingy or helpless. Not even just that but her attitude was just different. She was kinda cocky but it wasn't like..ugly. She was just confident. But she was also funny. Like me and her could crack jokes and just go back and forth. Nicki's real sarcastic. But I am, too. We just clicked. Well, to me. Not for Nicki." He gave a look and glanced over at Nicki before looking back at the camera.

"I don't even remember much about being in that group."

"Yo, Nicki has the brain of a 90 year old woman. It's insane." He looked over at her again and she shrugged.

When did you know there was something about the other? This question is mainly for Nicki. 

Everyone in the room laughed and she playfully rolled her eyes while adjusting in her seat.

"Well... Safaree and I had became friends outside of the group because he actually knew one of my best friends. So we hung out a lot. But for me, I knew the moment I was comfortable enough to open up to him about what was going on at home. I mean I talk about it openly now. But when I was younger I hated talking about it. I talked about it to him and- we all know Safaree is such a light hearted person. But he gave me some of the best advice. Even better than my girl friends. That's what we bonded over. Both of us coming from a broken family and just trying not to let it break us as well. Now when I knew I truly liked Safaree?" she laughed lightly. "It was Valentine's Day. Me and the guy I was with previously were still going through our issues. I called Safaree. I was just telling him that I was sad and stuff. He came over about an hour and a half later. He brought some movies and just listened to me cry for hours." Nicki laughed. "He just really cheered me up and was like you don't deserve that. I think I looked at him like the heart eye emoji after that. What about you, babe?"

"I remember for me, we was in the studio writing.. freestyling. I was like.. S C to the A, double F to the B, double O to the G, I to the-"

"EEEEEEEzay! Believe me, bitches can't see me!" Nicki joined in.

"I was like yooooooooooo! I'm in love! And then after Valentine's Day and she was officially done with her boyfriend I was like man. I gotta get her. I told Nicki we were just gonna chill out and go see a movie but I had this whole day planned for her. I took her to her favorite spot to eat. I bought her little gifts. I just wanted to make her feel good."

"He did. That's the thing about Safaree. He knew how to cheer me up. He didn't do anything extravagant and over the top because he knew I wouldn't like that. I love the simple things. I love teddy bears. I love flowers. I love cute little things like that. But Safaree was so scared to kiss me."

"I didn't wanna push her or anything like that. She had just got out of something so I was hesitant."

"I just kissed him. I always thought Safaree had really nice lips. I like his nose too." Nicki reached out and tapped Safaree on the nose with her index finger. "After that we spent everyday together for the next 12 years."

Tell us about when you proposed.

"Which time?" Nicki and Safaree said in unison before laughing.

Let's just go in order.

"Safaree and I had just moved to Atlanta. We were both working and stuff. When I wasn't doing shows he had a job. Financially we were good. But we had a savings account. Safaree had been talking about this bike for months."

"It was all apart of the plan." He spoke up. Nicki looked over at him.

"One day I had went to the bank to put some money in our savings and stuff... they told me the balance and I was like..." Nicki looked back towards the camera and cocked her head to the side. She twisted her lips before speaking again. "Half of what was in there was gone and I instantly got mad." Nicki said before laughing.

"She came home.. just.. going crazy on me. She walked in the door. Slamming everything down. When I tell you I could hear her tiny feet coming back to the bedroom. She swung the door open and just went... in!" He shook his head.

"I remember I just walked in and I said, 'Where the fuck is it? Where is it, Safaree? It wasn't in the driveway, where is it?!' and he's laying there on the bed looking so confused and the more he sitting there he's gradually pissing me off."

"Yo.. she was going crazy. And I'm thinkin' maybe she knows but I'm like nah. She's mad. She mentioned the driveway and I was like yeah. It worked. But see. I didn't wanna propose that day. I didn't have it all planned out yet. But I had to come clean cause she was walking around the bed about to smack me!"

"I was. I was so mad. Safaree hopped off the bed so quick. He kept saying let me explain! Yo Nicki chill out, let me explain! Annnnnd.."

"I just went into the dresser and pulled out the ring."

"He was like look! Here! He walked around the bed and bent down on one knee and opened the box. I just started balling, you guys. Cause I really wasn't expecting it. I just dropped on the floor with him and I said yes."

"It wasn't romantic at all. Nicki ruined it for real. I did it all over again later though."

When was that?

"After Nicki got signed. But I waited a while."

"2010."

"Yeah. Nicki was getting ready to start working on the album. We all planned this big dinner for her. Just so she could chill out before she locked herself in the dungeon. We had her family come out and everything and that's when I did it. I put together this video. What's it called? Milestone movie. Yeah, that. Showing her how far she's come and we really did everything we ever talked about and I wanted her to know like yo... I love you. I'm proud of you. I'ma be there for you every step of the way."

Now for the not so happy part... walk us through the breakup. 

Nicki's attitude quickly changed as she twisted her lips nervously and looked down.

"I don't know man." Safaree said before taking a deep sigh. "I blame myself. I know Nicki does, too. But I've realized my mistakes enough to that.." Safaree licked his lips before continuing. "That could've been avoided. But I felt like I was right and so did she. I don't know. I don't really know where to start."

Is there anything you don't want to get into?

"We can talk about it all. Nicki?" He looked over at her. "You okay with that?"

"I said I was gonna be honest." Nicki said lowly while resting her elbow on the arm of the chair and resting her face in her hand.

I'm assuming it was cheating?

"It was everything. I stepped out first. It's so stupid but I let people get in my head. I started hanging out with guys in the industry and I would just let them fill me up with dumb shit. They was telling me yooo, like she don't respect you.You see how she doing you? Go get your revenge, bro. Just crazy stuff like that. It's my own fault. Listening to that. But I was believing it. I was dealing something in myself that I wasn't happy. I took it out on Nicki. We was going through our problems. I wasn't getting what I wanted at the time and I was acting out."

What did you want?

"A baby." Nicki spoke up.

"I wanted to get our life started. I proposed 10 years ago, I felt like I was wasting time in this relationship. If I didn't get what I wanted I was 'bout to be out."

How do you feel about that?

"He had a right to feel that way. At the time nothing was more important than my career. Everything in my life took a backseat. But don't come at me like it's gotta be this way or that way. Don't threaten me with your presence. And that's when everything just..." Nicki's hands made a motion of an explosion. "Blew up. From that very argument."

"I was hanging with this one dude a lot. We would be at strip clubs, parties, and it would just be women everywhere. I was just enjoying the attention cause that's another reason. In my mind, I was gaining my control back. It's so dumb. And then I just kept doing it. Once you get attention like that after feeling ignored, it's like a drug. Little did I know, the guy I was hitting up all these places with was tryna get at Nicki. So you know... he told her and then... they happened."

"In my mind, I'm thinking if Safaree sees me with this person he'll stop what he's doing. He'll come to me and just talk to me. I'm thinking, fight fire with fire. But I got caught up. Neither of us should've ever trusted him. Me or Safaree. He accomplished his goal and that was to split us up and I told Safaree that I felt so fucking dumb. And he did, too. I've never been easily influenced so what changed me? I was just hurt and stupid. I regret every moment since the first time I ever kissed that man. It should've never gotten that far. Ever since then my life was a living hell."

"We just kept going back and forth. We would be good. No cheating. Like nothing ever happened and then one argument always set us back. And we kept that up for the last year or so. One day I came home and she was on the phone with him and I just started packing."

"And I was so mad because..." Nicki screwed up her face and pointed her finger between her and Safareee. "I stayed with you while you were out having your fun and doing what you wanted to. But when I do the same thing you wanna leave? I flipped." Nicki said waving him off.

"As I'm going down the stairs to get out the door Nicki walks passed me on the steps. I see the bat in her hands and I left my suitcase on the steps. I never seen Nicki's tiny feet move so fast. I really couldn't keep up with her. I walk outside and there's just glass everywhere."

"I actually got cut from all of it but I was so mad I didn't even care. I stayed with you through the hard time you put me through, I was embarrassed! I felt so stupid because I still loved him. I didn't want to leave him. I was so hurt. And the moment I gave him what he gave me he left."

"I had to get away. It was doing more harm than good. I never meant for any of it to get that bad but it did. I didn't know how to fix it. If I wasn't making her happy I had to let her go. It killed me but that's what I thought was best at the time." he shrugged and licked his lips. "That's the last time I saw her. Then she was on to the next."

"I wanted Safaree to feel every single emotion I felt when he left me. It really broke me. I'm such an affectionate person but I've never been into PDA. But when I got into that relationship, I did all of it. Because I knew he would see it. I wanted him to be just as hurt as I was."

Did it work?

"For the most part. I don't know if I was hurt or embarrassed. I always felt like it should've been me. But after so long I got numb to it. I knew it was gonna be a new picture or video of them. I had to deal with it. It was my fault."

Okay. Moving on to happier times... tell us how you got back together.

"I had been single for months now and I was thinking really hard about what I wanted for myself. I really, really needed that time to myself. I had never been single since I was 15. It was actually  refreshing for me to just." Nicki took a deep breath. "Just breathe for a minute and be like, okay, this is what I want for myself. I knew who I wanted. He's always the one I wanted. I'm thinking how do we get back into this the right way. We can't just jump back into this the same way. It'll never work."

"I had a girlfriend at the time. And that was really like." he licked his lips. "The first time I was really in love since Nicki. Everything about her was different. She wasn't stuck up. She wasn't all about money. We had a lot of things in common. She was like the first... regular girl. It was really.. just hard for me to break up with her. I felt like for the first time I was in an equal relationship. I was with somebody who was into me as much as I was into them."

Nicki, you look uncomfortable with him talking about this.

She tightened her lips and nodded. Safaree looked over at her and they shared a look and held it before he spoke up.

"I've talked to her about it."

"He speaks so highly of her." Nicki said adjusting in her seat and leaning on the opposite arm rest. "It made me intimidated. Who is this woman who did everything right for him? I didn't like it."

"But you felt the same way about who you were with."

"I never told you that."

"You didn't have to."

"This is why I don't like this topic." Nicki said waving her hand in the air. "It always ends up in an argument and I never want to argue with him again. He's very valid in his feelings. But it really broke my heart," Nicki paused for a moment and sighed while resting both hands on her heart. "To hear him tell me he finally felt like someone loved him as much as he loved them." she dropped her hands and crossed one leg over the other while propping her elbow up on her leg and resting her chin on her first. She looked at the ground before speaking again. "I would never want him to feel like our love wasn't equal." Nicki leaned off her fist dropping her arm in her lap and giving a forced smile while leaning back in her seat before her face got serious again. She messed with her hair. "I've always been madly in love with Safaree. I would never want him to feel like that. Because I know what that feels like."

"I felt bad telling her that but I didn't want to come into it lying. I had to let her know what took me so long reaching out. Nicki is my soulmate. No matter what I could never stop thinking about her. I was just confused at the time."

"I was thinking that he was never going to call. I was too scared to. We were so angry for so long. So much had happened over the time we were apart and I hated it. So much damage had been done I didn't really know if I was something he still even wanted."

"What's crazy is we always kept in contact."

"Always."

"We was just arguing. I'll never forget when she emailed me and she said something to me like.."

"I know what you're about to say."

"I always mention it now. I don't know if it's a quote she found off Google or what. She said to me in the email, imagine falling so deep in love with someone that you end up hating them for it. I hate you. I'll never forget that. It's so crazy to me cause that shit is real. Me and Nicki not the type to argue online and stuff like that. Being airing out each other's business. But yo, we was so angry we was just doing anything."

"It's embarrassing."

"It is. I hate that it's out there forever. But we've moved passed it all. Anyways, so. I told the girl I was with at the time what was up. I didn't wanna just drop her cause Nicki was single again but I had to be honest too. I don't think it was fair to be with her and Nicki always be a thought in the back of my head like what if."

How did she take it?

"She didn't say much but what can you say? I think every girl I dated after her knew there was still something there. After I broke it off with her I just took a week to myself to figure everything out. Then I called Nicki up and we just talked on the phone for hours. About everything. I told her it couldn't go back to the way it was. I can't just go back to being your flunky. I gotta have my freedom to do what I want and for her to just let me know when I'm doing too much. And she said the same."

"I agreed with him because I felt like that was one of the reasons he wasn't happy. If he wants to go produce music for the friends he's made over our break or host events that's fine with me. As long as me and him were good, everything else was secondary. I didn't care, I just missed us."

What was it like seeing each other again after the break up?

"We hadn't seen each other for almost two and a half years." Nicki said. "I had butterflies as if I didn't spend half of my life with this man."

"I was just ready to see her."

"Honestly, we hugged each other for like, 2 and a half minutes."

"We was just standing there at the door. Nicki was crying. She's always crying."

"I was so happy. It was such a surreal moment. We were talking on the phone but I was like nothing is gonna be real for me until I see him again. As soon as I opened the door and saw him standing there I just cried." Nicki said while shaking her head and laughing lightly before giving a shrug. "I just missed him. And you missed me, too!" Nicki said pointing a finger in his face while playfully rolling her eyes and neck.

"I did. I just kept squeezing her little body and telling her I missed her."

"We spent that whole day attached at the hip."

"We was up under each other like crazy. Just following each other everywhere."

"Inseparable."

What's different this time around?

"Everything." Nicki said with a smile spreading across her face. "Everything. I couldn't be more happy and in love with this man."

"Give me some." Safaree leaned over and met Nicki's lips for a kiss. "Love you."

"I love you." she said back before pulling apart. "Everything is different. We really cherish each other. I have this new thing between us. We don't go to bed or leave each other being mad or without saying I love you. And I think that's so important."

"Before we would be mad, sleeping in separate rooms. We wouldn't even speak to each other until she had an event to go to. Looking back, that's crazy to me. We was living in the same house and wasn't talking to each other."

"We would end up in the kitchen or the hall together and I wouldn't say anything to him. But it was easier for me to at least know he was there. Even if we were fighting. I liked that I could still climb in bed with him and he would just hold me. That's one thing I missed when we were apart."

"I talk to her more. I tell her any little thing or any big thing that's bothering me. I used to just let stuff build up and then just do something crazy."

"Like covering his tattoos of me."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"When we lay in bed sometimes I still just stare at his chest until I see my face again. It looks like my face was never here!" Nicki said as she raised up Safaree's arm that had a forearm half sleeve of roses. She let go of his arm and he dropped it back down on the arm rest.

"I had to get rid of it. I couldn't keep it. It was killing me to look at her face everyday and not be able to talk to her. But now that we're back together I wish I would've never covered it. It was dope. I liked it."

"And this is why we talk. Communication is so important. It's so cliche but it really is the truth. And this time around, I feel like we're different people. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah. I've just matured a lot in the last couple years. I'm more secure with myself that I don't let things bother me or get me angry. I'm willing to work things out."

"That's why I felt it was so important for us to do this. Our story isn't glamorous or perfect by far but I think it says a lot when two people can go through what we went through and come back 100 times harder and 100 times stronger. If you really love someone you'll always make you way back to each other. If that's what you really want, you'll make it happen and you'll figure out ways to make it work. That's why this time around I've learned to be a lot less selfish and a lot more selfless. I feel like in the end God will reward me with every blessing I've ever asked for when you give that energy out."

"You got one of them." Safaree said staring her down. She looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Hmmm?"

"One of the blessings." He smirked and his eyes trailed down to her stomach. "Tell em."

"Oh! This tiny bundle of joy?" Nicki placed a hand on her stomach. "I'm going to be a mommy!"